somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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