Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
