if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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