its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
