this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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