were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He felt like a one man threesome
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
