That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Randomize
