i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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