definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
