Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I've blown a few things in my day
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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