I'm lost and stupid without you.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So much rum. So many feels.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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