Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
