Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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