I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
