I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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