Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
