If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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