I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
