I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
be right there i have to get my cape
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
