I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
you made out with another girl for some wings
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
