my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
