i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize