just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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