I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
