You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
