You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize