I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
this will be a night to untag.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
