fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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