Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
