That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
