Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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