oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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