I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize