What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
