my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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