READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
