And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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