Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
