Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
