Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
