I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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