She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
