If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i will never coherently bang her
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We left an ass print on the piano.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
