Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
