the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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