Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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