I am puke
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
