if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
