Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
