WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Never let your siblings swipe right.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
