there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
