It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
