i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
