Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
