thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
