I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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