Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
