I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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