So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
