I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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