Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
