Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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