Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Can I color on your dick again?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
