Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
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