Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips

(515): View more from Iowa

there is no god

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(407): View more from Florida

so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.

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(631): View more from New York

My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...

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(703): View more from Virginia

Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.

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(219): View more from Indiana

Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.

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(720): View more from Colorado

He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't

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